Illume: Lose Me Like An Arrow, part 2
Oct. 15th, 2004 06:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aithne[geekery]
Okay, here's the rest of the story, and the trap that Reiko finds herself in suddenly becomes very, very clear.
There are no good choices. There are only choices. She's going to damn someone, no matter what she does.
*****
"Wait. Are you telling me that I can give up my immortality?" Reiko was looking at Jeron, consternation in her eyes.
He shrugged at her. "I know it is possible. I think your mother may be able to accomplish it. And if you became mortal, the Demonbane would die. It was a thought, is all."
It was a brief exchange, as they lay curled together in the heat of the early September afternoon, but it stayed with Reiko, nagging at her. And it brought her once again to Edi-lo, asking her about what the Thrykreen had said.
Edi-lo's eyes grew thoughtful, and she nodded. "It is possible. Breaking a permanency is no mean feat. It would be costly, but I could do it."
Reiko tilted her head. "Costly? How?"
Her mother raised her hand, tipping it back and forth in an eloquent gesture of uncertainty. "It would take quite a bit out of me to do that. But it's no more difficult than other things I have done in my time. The real cost would be to you, daughter."
The shaman quirked her mouth. "It always is, isn't it?"
"I do not know what god you attracted the attention of when you were born, Reiko, but whichever one it was, it has an evil sense of humor. But there is this. If I break the permanency that leaves you immortal--you will survive. Your father will age and die in seconds. He is living on time he has borrowed from you, after all. So he dies, and you live, though you will grow old and die in due time. Perhaps your lifespan would be a bit longer than the average human's."
"So what is the cost?"
"Threefold. First, your sister--Yukiko, correct?--will probably be angry with you. I do not know her, but Akechi once mentioned that she loves her father dearly. Second, with that unbinding, the rest of the bonds on you will loosen and fade. It will unravel the bindings on your spirits. Your mind will be silent."
Reiko shuddered. "And they will all go into the final death." She looked up to see her spirits, all of them, gathered above her head. They were muttering amongst themselves. "And the third price?"
"Your father's spirit is bound to yours, Reiko. It's why he can feel it when you kill. There is a good chance that when he dies, his spirit will remain attached to you."
"I'd have his spirit, but no others?"
"Correct."
Reiko pulled her kitsune ball from her sleeve, rolling it across her knuckles, fidgeting with it. Finally, she said, "I love them. They are my family. I barely remember a time when they weren't with me. They keep me company, light my way, help me fight my fears. And I would be killing them. And it is their strength I use when I cast my spells. Without them, I'd be no shaman at all. I would be magicless except for what is intrinsic to me as a kitsune. I could not draw on the spirit of a man who hates me, I'm afraid."
Edi-lo simply sat, looking at her. "But with the loosening of the bindings that he and your granddaughter put on you, you may gain your memories and your powers back. You were, what, a four-tail, once?"
"Yes. Before my granddaughter died, I was. It's a steep price to pay. Perhaps less costly than death...but this way, I have to live with the consequences, rather than simply moving on."
"You could have your life back, Reiko. What there would be left of it."
The muttering of the spirits over her head grew louder, as they began to all try to speak over one another, shouting to be heard. Reiko fought the urge to clutch her head, and simply said, "All of you, could you be quiet, please? I promise I won't make a decision now." She sighed, irritated. "So. I can do nothing, let my people die one by one until I'm the last left, and I die under a Thrykreen blade. I can kill myself by bringing Setto back to life, and then both the Demonbane and I are dead, but he lives. I sacrifice my immortality and I live and he dies, but I sacrifice five people I love as well. In the end I grow old and die anyway, but at least I’ll have given my people a chance for survival. All roads lead down to death, it seems. To ending." Under her breath, she added, "And just when I might have found something to live for."
Edi-lo shrugged gracefully. "There are no good answers. There are just answers." Seemingly out of the blue, she asked, "You care for the Thrykreen, don't you?"
The shaman was taken aback by the question. "Yes. I do. Possibly more than he knows I do, but yes. Why?"
"I've seen how you look at each other. You're well matched, you two. But ask him to tell you a secret, Reiko."
"And what secret might that be?"
"Whether there are any of the Thrykreen orbs left. And where they are, if they exist."
Reiko frowned, confused. "Thrykreen orbs? What are those?"
"Hope, Reiko. If they still exist, they are hope." And her mother would say no more on the subject, simply shaking her head when Reiko pressed her.
*****
After she asked the question, Jeron was silent for a time, thinking. He asked, "Who told you about the orbs?"
"Edi-lo. She would not tell me anything else."
"It doesn't make any difference. The orbs are lost to me." He looked away from her, lips pressed together in a tight line.
"But what are they? Or were they?" She persisted, her curiosity in full cry. She smelled a secret, one that would come to her if only she dug for it.
"Your mother has a history of putting her nose where it doesn't belong, Reiko."
"Oh, please." She scrambled up on the bench beside him and bit his shoulder teasingly. "You know my dark secrets, Jeron. I should know at least one of yours."
"You aren't going to let me have any peace until I tell you, are you?"
She tilted her head, giving him a canny look that reminded the Thrykreen of her fox form. "Of course not. So you might as well give in."
He laughed, and shook his head. "It's a very long story. Back when I made my deal with the Demonbane, that my people would serve him in return for being saved from annihilation, there were about two hundred of us left in the world. He needed to use the bodies of my people to create the modified race that is the three-year Thrykreen, but I refused to let my people be killed in order to save them. Your father and I compromised; the essence of the Thrykreen would be placed into orbs, like the ones the Scorpion used to remove the souls of the kitsune. Place one of those orbs on the skin of a recently dead human, and the body will change to become a Thrykreen, and the soul will wake in a body that's identical to the one he left. I was to be the only one left as I was, to watch over him and make sure that his guardianship didn't become enslavement.
"I thought he would deal fairly with us. And so he did, for a time. But after a while, he felt as if he didn't have nearly enough control over me, and so he decided to protect himself from me. He placed the orbs under a magical guard, one keyed to his life force. If he dies, they are destroyed.
"I made the mistake of letting on that I cared about what happened to those orbs. Those were the insurance policy, just in case things with the Demonbane went truly sour. He decided to use them as leverage to keep me in line. Every time I refused to do something he wanted me to do, he would destroy one or more of the orbs in front of me, until I acquiesced. And after a time, they became punishment as well as goad; if he thought my obedience was less than perfect, or if I questioned him, he would destroy four or five of my people."
Reiko's voice was soft. "How many are left?"
"As far as I know, about fifteen. Perhaps fewer. I pushed him hard, the day before he sent me away. He may have destroyed the rest, I don't know. But I have grown used to thinking of them as lost. If he dies, even if there are any left, they're gone."
"You weren't going to tell me, were you? You were going to let me destroy the last of your people, to let me save what remains of my own. Why?"
He looked away from her, a wry smile on his face. "We are at an end, Reiko. Even if there are any of the orbs left, there are too few of us to continue. If what remains of the kitsune can be saved, at least some small fragment of that beauty will live on."
The kitsune reached out and began, tentatively, to stroke the Thrykreen's long blond hair. "I never asked you. What were you questioning the Demonbane about, that made him send you away?"
"I was trying yet again to convince him to give up his crusade against the kitsune." The Thrykreen shrugged. "He finally told me that he was assigning me to his daughter's retinue. I think he meant it as punishment. It turned out...much differently than either of us expected."
Her hand stilled, and Reiko rested her forehead gently against Jeron's shoulder. "I have a problem, Jeron. As do you. I want my people to live. I want your people to live. I think you're right, and the Thrykreen and the kitsune are the male and female of the same species. And I don't really want to kill my father. But if he lives, as he is, he will extinguish the last of both our races. There isn't any good way out of this."
"And you wondered why I didn't tell you." Jeron kissed the top of her head.
A thought lit Reiko's eyes, and she sat up. "I can tell you one thing for certain. He hasn't destroyed the last of the orbs! He can't."
"And why do you think that?" There was a strange hope in his voice as he turned to look at her.
She smiled, her expression cunning. "Because the moment you know for certain that the orbs are destroyed is the moment that you're able to kill the Demonbane, Jeron. Without the orbs, all you have is the faint hope that your people will, in successive generations, return to what they were before the Demonbane altered them."
"A hope I have been harboring for about four hundred years, and that we've made some progress towards, but it's by no means a sure thing."
"See? They have to still exist, because if they don't then he's dead. So. The problem becomes...how do we get them away from him? Steal them, trade for them....hm."
He laughed and pulled her close. "Ah, Reiko. Don't underestimate the Demonbane. But you may be on to something."
"I refuse to believe that the choices given to me are all there are, is all."
As the hour grew later, they talked in low voices, coming up with no solutions, all of their hopes feeling as fragile as rice paper before the typhoon.
Okay, here's the rest of the story, and the trap that Reiko finds herself in suddenly becomes very, very clear.
There are no good choices. There are only choices. She's going to damn someone, no matter what she does.
*****
"Wait. Are you telling me that I can give up my immortality?" Reiko was looking at Jeron, consternation in her eyes.
He shrugged at her. "I know it is possible. I think your mother may be able to accomplish it. And if you became mortal, the Demonbane would die. It was a thought, is all."
It was a brief exchange, as they lay curled together in the heat of the early September afternoon, but it stayed with Reiko, nagging at her. And it brought her once again to Edi-lo, asking her about what the Thrykreen had said.
Edi-lo's eyes grew thoughtful, and she nodded. "It is possible. Breaking a permanency is no mean feat. It would be costly, but I could do it."
Reiko tilted her head. "Costly? How?"
Her mother raised her hand, tipping it back and forth in an eloquent gesture of uncertainty. "It would take quite a bit out of me to do that. But it's no more difficult than other things I have done in my time. The real cost would be to you, daughter."
The shaman quirked her mouth. "It always is, isn't it?"
"I do not know what god you attracted the attention of when you were born, Reiko, but whichever one it was, it has an evil sense of humor. But there is this. If I break the permanency that leaves you immortal--you will survive. Your father will age and die in seconds. He is living on time he has borrowed from you, after all. So he dies, and you live, though you will grow old and die in due time. Perhaps your lifespan would be a bit longer than the average human's."
"So what is the cost?"
"Threefold. First, your sister--Yukiko, correct?--will probably be angry with you. I do not know her, but Akechi once mentioned that she loves her father dearly. Second, with that unbinding, the rest of the bonds on you will loosen and fade. It will unravel the bindings on your spirits. Your mind will be silent."
Reiko shuddered. "And they will all go into the final death." She looked up to see her spirits, all of them, gathered above her head. They were muttering amongst themselves. "And the third price?"
"Your father's spirit is bound to yours, Reiko. It's why he can feel it when you kill. There is a good chance that when he dies, his spirit will remain attached to you."
"I'd have his spirit, but no others?"
"Correct."
Reiko pulled her kitsune ball from her sleeve, rolling it across her knuckles, fidgeting with it. Finally, she said, "I love them. They are my family. I barely remember a time when they weren't with me. They keep me company, light my way, help me fight my fears. And I would be killing them. And it is their strength I use when I cast my spells. Without them, I'd be no shaman at all. I would be magicless except for what is intrinsic to me as a kitsune. I could not draw on the spirit of a man who hates me, I'm afraid."
Edi-lo simply sat, looking at her. "But with the loosening of the bindings that he and your granddaughter put on you, you may gain your memories and your powers back. You were, what, a four-tail, once?"
"Yes. Before my granddaughter died, I was. It's a steep price to pay. Perhaps less costly than death...but this way, I have to live with the consequences, rather than simply moving on."
"You could have your life back, Reiko. What there would be left of it."
The muttering of the spirits over her head grew louder, as they began to all try to speak over one another, shouting to be heard. Reiko fought the urge to clutch her head, and simply said, "All of you, could you be quiet, please? I promise I won't make a decision now." She sighed, irritated. "So. I can do nothing, let my people die one by one until I'm the last left, and I die under a Thrykreen blade. I can kill myself by bringing Setto back to life, and then both the Demonbane and I are dead, but he lives. I sacrifice my immortality and I live and he dies, but I sacrifice five people I love as well. In the end I grow old and die anyway, but at least I’ll have given my people a chance for survival. All roads lead down to death, it seems. To ending." Under her breath, she added, "And just when I might have found something to live for."
Edi-lo shrugged gracefully. "There are no good answers. There are just answers." Seemingly out of the blue, she asked, "You care for the Thrykreen, don't you?"
The shaman was taken aback by the question. "Yes. I do. Possibly more than he knows I do, but yes. Why?"
"I've seen how you look at each other. You're well matched, you two. But ask him to tell you a secret, Reiko."
"And what secret might that be?"
"Whether there are any of the Thrykreen orbs left. And where they are, if they exist."
Reiko frowned, confused. "Thrykreen orbs? What are those?"
"Hope, Reiko. If they still exist, they are hope." And her mother would say no more on the subject, simply shaking her head when Reiko pressed her.
*****
After she asked the question, Jeron was silent for a time, thinking. He asked, "Who told you about the orbs?"
"Edi-lo. She would not tell me anything else."
"It doesn't make any difference. The orbs are lost to me." He looked away from her, lips pressed together in a tight line.
"But what are they? Or were they?" She persisted, her curiosity in full cry. She smelled a secret, one that would come to her if only she dug for it.
"Your mother has a history of putting her nose where it doesn't belong, Reiko."
"Oh, please." She scrambled up on the bench beside him and bit his shoulder teasingly. "You know my dark secrets, Jeron. I should know at least one of yours."
"You aren't going to let me have any peace until I tell you, are you?"
She tilted her head, giving him a canny look that reminded the Thrykreen of her fox form. "Of course not. So you might as well give in."
He laughed, and shook his head. "It's a very long story. Back when I made my deal with the Demonbane, that my people would serve him in return for being saved from annihilation, there were about two hundred of us left in the world. He needed to use the bodies of my people to create the modified race that is the three-year Thrykreen, but I refused to let my people be killed in order to save them. Your father and I compromised; the essence of the Thrykreen would be placed into orbs, like the ones the Scorpion used to remove the souls of the kitsune. Place one of those orbs on the skin of a recently dead human, and the body will change to become a Thrykreen, and the soul will wake in a body that's identical to the one he left. I was to be the only one left as I was, to watch over him and make sure that his guardianship didn't become enslavement.
"I thought he would deal fairly with us. And so he did, for a time. But after a while, he felt as if he didn't have nearly enough control over me, and so he decided to protect himself from me. He placed the orbs under a magical guard, one keyed to his life force. If he dies, they are destroyed.
"I made the mistake of letting on that I cared about what happened to those orbs. Those were the insurance policy, just in case things with the Demonbane went truly sour. He decided to use them as leverage to keep me in line. Every time I refused to do something he wanted me to do, he would destroy one or more of the orbs in front of me, until I acquiesced. And after a time, they became punishment as well as goad; if he thought my obedience was less than perfect, or if I questioned him, he would destroy four or five of my people."
Reiko's voice was soft. "How many are left?"
"As far as I know, about fifteen. Perhaps fewer. I pushed him hard, the day before he sent me away. He may have destroyed the rest, I don't know. But I have grown used to thinking of them as lost. If he dies, even if there are any left, they're gone."
"You weren't going to tell me, were you? You were going to let me destroy the last of your people, to let me save what remains of my own. Why?"
He looked away from her, a wry smile on his face. "We are at an end, Reiko. Even if there are any of the orbs left, there are too few of us to continue. If what remains of the kitsune can be saved, at least some small fragment of that beauty will live on."
The kitsune reached out and began, tentatively, to stroke the Thrykreen's long blond hair. "I never asked you. What were you questioning the Demonbane about, that made him send you away?"
"I was trying yet again to convince him to give up his crusade against the kitsune." The Thrykreen shrugged. "He finally told me that he was assigning me to his daughter's retinue. I think he meant it as punishment. It turned out...much differently than either of us expected."
Her hand stilled, and Reiko rested her forehead gently against Jeron's shoulder. "I have a problem, Jeron. As do you. I want my people to live. I want your people to live. I think you're right, and the Thrykreen and the kitsune are the male and female of the same species. And I don't really want to kill my father. But if he lives, as he is, he will extinguish the last of both our races. There isn't any good way out of this."
"And you wondered why I didn't tell you." Jeron kissed the top of her head.
A thought lit Reiko's eyes, and she sat up. "I can tell you one thing for certain. He hasn't destroyed the last of the orbs! He can't."
"And why do you think that?" There was a strange hope in his voice as he turned to look at her.
She smiled, her expression cunning. "Because the moment you know for certain that the orbs are destroyed is the moment that you're able to kill the Demonbane, Jeron. Without the orbs, all you have is the faint hope that your people will, in successive generations, return to what they were before the Demonbane altered them."
"A hope I have been harboring for about four hundred years, and that we've made some progress towards, but it's by no means a sure thing."
"See? They have to still exist, because if they don't then he's dead. So. The problem becomes...how do we get them away from him? Steal them, trade for them....hm."
He laughed and pulled her close. "Ah, Reiko. Don't underestimate the Demonbane. But you may be on to something."
"I refuse to believe that the choices given to me are all there are, is all."
As the hour grew later, they talked in low voices, coming up with no solutions, all of their hopes feeling as fragile as rice paper before the typhoon.
