Illume: Ceremonies of Innocence
Oct. 19th, 2004 08:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aithne[geekery]
Reiko talks one last time with all five of her spirits.
The words of a spell were whispered in the darkness.
Silence fell afterwards.
The watchers slumbered on.
Reiko's kitsune ball glowed in the darkness, shedding a pearly light into the room, lighting her hand and her face. She was alone in this room, she and her spirits. Jeron was on guard duty, and she had slipped away from Gryphon and Edi-lo, who slept soundly in the room behind her.
She said, quietly, "Tomorrow's the day."
Setto's translucent hand brushed her upturned face. "You don't have to do this, Rei. Use those swords, run west. The Thrykreen will never find you, if you keep moving."
Kei's face was worried, his brow knotted. "I don't know what waits for us afterwards. I don't want to leave you, Reiko."
"Don't let us go!" That was Miss M, her soprano voice trembling. "Run, just run."
"Yes, run," urged Tsuyoshi. "I don't want to end, love. I haven't seen nearly enough of the world yet."
Only Jane was silent, looking at Reiko with huge dark eyes. The kitsune wondered if she understood what was happening.
"All of you...I know. I know. But I have a feeling we'll find out what's next together. It's likely I'm not going to get a chance to simply have my immortality removed. I'm going to tell the others that if I die tomorrow, they're to destroy my body and scatter my ashes. And that will end my life and the life of my father, and save the rest of my people."
All was silence, except for Miss M, who had buried her face in her hands and was sobbing. Finally, Setto said, "I loved our father. I truly believed he would forgive you, Rei. Had I known it would end like it did...I would have done what you told me to. I would have stayed away. You have been his pawn for your entire life, in a game of revenge against your mother."
She shook her head. "Neither of us knew, Setto. I can't regret what happened. I loved you then, and I love you now. As I still love Takumi Yamashita. The Demonbane. Our father." Her heartbeat was painful in her chest, fear gripping her soul. She bent forward, touched her forehead to the floor in a meditative pose, and breathed through the fear. It's only fear. It's only pain. It doesn't matter.
She straightened. "I have been an imperfect guardian to you all. I have my flaws, and they run deep. But I have loved you all in my own way, and you have been the best companions for this strange journey that I could imagine. I thank you all."
Setto sat beside her, folding his legs underneath him with the easy grace of a man who had stopped aging the day he died. He looked over at his wife, who looked so different with white hair than she had with midnight black. Something else was different, as well. He had seen her in many states over the past several centuries--innocent, experienced, torn between her needs and her desires, abjectly miserable, luminescent with happiness.
This expression was new. The look in her eyes was not resigned, or fearful. It was accepting--of fear, of pain, of her probable fate--and bound with determination to see this through.
His wife wore the expression of a warrior in her eyes.
The spirit reached out, transparent fingers tangling in hair like white silk. "Regrets, Rei?"
"A number of them." Reiko closed her eyes. "I regret the pain this will cause my sister. I regret I will not see her son take his first breath. I am sorry for the pain I will cause those who I've come to care for. And I am sorry that my time with Jeron has been so brief. He and I should have met centuries ago."
"I know I was against him, in the beginning. But...he seems to have made you happy, Rei. And for that alone, I can forgive him much."
She smiled, and looked down. "And I now have one last regret. It seems that kitsune and Thrykreen are indeed fertile together."
Setto stilled. "You're pregnant, Rei?"
"I think so. A few weeks, no more. I came into season a few days out from Kanazawa, and I haven't had my courses yet."
"And you haven't told Jeron."
She shook her head and looked up at Setto. "I think he has his own part to play tomorrow, as do we all. I don't want him to make the wrong decision, just because I'm carrying his child. If I live, if he lives, I'll tell him then. Nor does my father know--even if he's watching, I've cast an illusion of me meditating that should fool his scrying spells. If I die, I die with this secret. If I live...I'll see."
I'll see. Not we'll see. If she lived, she would be alone in her head. Alone except for her father's shade.
Spirit hands touched her hair, her face, her shoulders. Her loved ones gathered around her, petting and stroking her, as much to calm themselves as to give the kitsune what comfort they could. Their sorrow weighed Reiko down like a heavy blanket, and the kitsune was reminded of a summer afternoon many years ago, the fear and the pleasure of her first season coming upon her, the afternoon that had sealed her destiny and Setto's.
She felt the prickle of Setto's hand on her chin, lifting it. The spirit laid a kiss on her lips with his insubstantial ones. "Go, Rei. Find Jeron. You should spend tonight celebrating life, not keeping company with the dead."
Her breath caught in her throat, and she had to remind herself once again, it's only pain. "The rest of you?"
They all nodded, mutely. Even Jane.
Reiko willed herself not to cry, and rose. "Tomorrow, then, loves. Tomorrow, we end this." She reached into her sleeve and touched once more a thin bamboo tube. In that case lay her death, should she have need of it: a poisoned needle once intended for Ito, that she now carried for herself.
She walked into the hallway, sliding the door of the room shut behind her. Down the hall she walked, bare feet padding on wooden floors, into her future.
Reiko talks one last time with all five of her spirits.
The words of a spell were whispered in the darkness.
Silence fell afterwards.
The watchers slumbered on.
Reiko's kitsune ball glowed in the darkness, shedding a pearly light into the room, lighting her hand and her face. She was alone in this room, she and her spirits. Jeron was on guard duty, and she had slipped away from Gryphon and Edi-lo, who slept soundly in the room behind her.
She said, quietly, "Tomorrow's the day."
Setto's translucent hand brushed her upturned face. "You don't have to do this, Rei. Use those swords, run west. The Thrykreen will never find you, if you keep moving."
Kei's face was worried, his brow knotted. "I don't know what waits for us afterwards. I don't want to leave you, Reiko."
"Don't let us go!" That was Miss M, her soprano voice trembling. "Run, just run."
"Yes, run," urged Tsuyoshi. "I don't want to end, love. I haven't seen nearly enough of the world yet."
Only Jane was silent, looking at Reiko with huge dark eyes. The kitsune wondered if she understood what was happening.
"All of you...I know. I know. But I have a feeling we'll find out what's next together. It's likely I'm not going to get a chance to simply have my immortality removed. I'm going to tell the others that if I die tomorrow, they're to destroy my body and scatter my ashes. And that will end my life and the life of my father, and save the rest of my people."
All was silence, except for Miss M, who had buried her face in her hands and was sobbing. Finally, Setto said, "I loved our father. I truly believed he would forgive you, Rei. Had I known it would end like it did...I would have done what you told me to. I would have stayed away. You have been his pawn for your entire life, in a game of revenge against your mother."
She shook her head. "Neither of us knew, Setto. I can't regret what happened. I loved you then, and I love you now. As I still love Takumi Yamashita. The Demonbane. Our father." Her heartbeat was painful in her chest, fear gripping her soul. She bent forward, touched her forehead to the floor in a meditative pose, and breathed through the fear. It's only fear. It's only pain. It doesn't matter.
She straightened. "I have been an imperfect guardian to you all. I have my flaws, and they run deep. But I have loved you all in my own way, and you have been the best companions for this strange journey that I could imagine. I thank you all."
Setto sat beside her, folding his legs underneath him with the easy grace of a man who had stopped aging the day he died. He looked over at his wife, who looked so different with white hair than she had with midnight black. Something else was different, as well. He had seen her in many states over the past several centuries--innocent, experienced, torn between her needs and her desires, abjectly miserable, luminescent with happiness.
This expression was new. The look in her eyes was not resigned, or fearful. It was accepting--of fear, of pain, of her probable fate--and bound with determination to see this through.
His wife wore the expression of a warrior in her eyes.
The spirit reached out, transparent fingers tangling in hair like white silk. "Regrets, Rei?"
"A number of them." Reiko closed her eyes. "I regret the pain this will cause my sister. I regret I will not see her son take his first breath. I am sorry for the pain I will cause those who I've come to care for. And I am sorry that my time with Jeron has been so brief. He and I should have met centuries ago."
"I know I was against him, in the beginning. But...he seems to have made you happy, Rei. And for that alone, I can forgive him much."
She smiled, and looked down. "And I now have one last regret. It seems that kitsune and Thrykreen are indeed fertile together."
Setto stilled. "You're pregnant, Rei?"
"I think so. A few weeks, no more. I came into season a few days out from Kanazawa, and I haven't had my courses yet."
"And you haven't told Jeron."
She shook her head and looked up at Setto. "I think he has his own part to play tomorrow, as do we all. I don't want him to make the wrong decision, just because I'm carrying his child. If I live, if he lives, I'll tell him then. Nor does my father know--even if he's watching, I've cast an illusion of me meditating that should fool his scrying spells. If I die, I die with this secret. If I live...I'll see."
I'll see. Not we'll see. If she lived, she would be alone in her head. Alone except for her father's shade.
Spirit hands touched her hair, her face, her shoulders. Her loved ones gathered around her, petting and stroking her, as much to calm themselves as to give the kitsune what comfort they could. Their sorrow weighed Reiko down like a heavy blanket, and the kitsune was reminded of a summer afternoon many years ago, the fear and the pleasure of her first season coming upon her, the afternoon that had sealed her destiny and Setto's.
She felt the prickle of Setto's hand on her chin, lifting it. The spirit laid a kiss on her lips with his insubstantial ones. "Go, Rei. Find Jeron. You should spend tonight celebrating life, not keeping company with the dead."
Her breath caught in her throat, and she had to remind herself once again, it's only pain. "The rest of you?"
They all nodded, mutely. Even Jane.
Reiko willed herself not to cry, and rose. "Tomorrow, then, loves. Tomorrow, we end this." She reached into her sleeve and touched once more a thin bamboo tube. In that case lay her death, should she have need of it: a poisoned needle once intended for Ito, that she now carried for herself.
She walked into the hallway, sliding the door of the room shut behind her. Down the hall she walked, bare feet padding on wooden floors, into her future.
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned
(Yeats)
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned
(Yeats)
